Moonless Nights

 The most hurtful and difficult thing to accept is that as we get older, we begin to lose people that we love, people that at some point in our lives meant so much to us. How easy it is to lose touch with many people. It's not because we don't care about them; life happens.  SHIT happens! Life is short but brutal.  Please check on your people...you just never know. All I can think about right now is the number of people with who I have an emotional attachment. I think about how broken my heart will feel when they're no longer in my life. Rest In Peace.

 This is something that came to my mind when I realized that I knew of at least 4 people other than me that in the last two years had lost their dad; even though this doesn't apply to them all...it applies to me. There's simply not enough time to spend with our dads. Growing up my dad was working two jobs and by the time he got home, I was already sleeping. When I was a teenager, I didn't want to talk to him because I was too busy being angry and annoyed with him. He abandoning me didn't help either.  In my early 20's, I started forgiving but the relationship was rocky. We started spending time together but the opportunity of moving somewhere new came and I took it. In my mid 20's, we started spending holidays together and our relationship started to heal little by little. By the time my late 20's come around, we start talking weekly, calling each other for birthdays, posting memories for father's day and taking pictures together. We even make plans to t...

 "The fact that you and only you can fix it. It's understanding and accepting that you have always had the power deep inside of you, but because of your thoughts, you have never empowered yourself enough to feel like you have the power." -Sylvester McNutt I started reading a book in December called Care Package: A Path to Deep Healing.  This book written by Sylvester McNutt is the first step I took towards working on healing. I am not working towards just any time of healing, I am working on trauma that comes from deep inside of my heart; sexual assult, betrayal, self-hate, humiliation, and abandonment. Sadly, these are components that affected the way I built relationships over the years with people that cared for me. They caused me to lose myself and finally to completely fall apart.  "The first step toward healing from pain is to become completely aware of how you choose to associate with pain." -Sylvester McNutt So, where do I begin? I begin now and I begin ...